I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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