My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize