I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
