Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
