wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize