1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
