I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
