apparently the secret to your success is patron
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
