Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
