You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
