Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize