Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
