So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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