It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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