She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
