You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
