Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
