he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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