I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
