If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
