I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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