hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
