Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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