my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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