Is it because I queefed?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My feet surprised me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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