Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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