dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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