OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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