I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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