I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
