I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
