I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
