I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
