How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
