no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
