Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize