No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize