The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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