1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
