I just pynch a tree in the face
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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