i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
