I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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