I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
