6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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