I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
