I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
