I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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