so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
