so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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