I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
