Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
