It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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