I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
