Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
