i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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