Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
