I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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