She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
