it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
