we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
