One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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