Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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