My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
