..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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