the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want her autograph on my taint
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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