I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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