i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
