he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize