I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
