Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
