If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm too high and old for this...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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