sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
